Rules for `discussions' with spouse up for debate
By Beth Teitell
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
No sooner had the Bush and Kerry negotiators agreed to the terms of the debates, than I was contacted by an undecided voter (well, she's decided about the election, but undecided about her spouse):
``Imagine if you could set the conditions of the fights you have with your husband,'' she began.
I grabbed a pen and started jotting notes to pass on to a proposed bipartisan Commission on Spousal Spats.
``Before you begin arguing, you could say, `You cannot mention that I've gone over the credit card limit two months in a row, nor can you point out that since going on (and off and on and off) Atkins, I've stopped buying fruit or bread or any food you like to eat.' ''
Heady with imagined power, she continued spelling out her provisions: ``And for the duration of our `discussion,' you will be seated, and I will be standing and charging angrily around the room.''
I thought about how President Bush [related, bio] was eager to keep the number of debates as low as possible, but finally agreed to three over a two-week period, and I asked my voter how many encounters she imagined with her foe/love of her life:
``Three every two weeks sounds about right,'' she said, ``unless we have a party to go to or give, or family's in town visiting, or our nanny calls in sick, or the dog poops on the floor, or we get lost when we're driving somewhere, or we're buying new living room furniture. Then we'll have to add in a few more.''
I was about to write up a proposal to send to Washington, but I realized more public input would be beneficial, so I asked another swing spouse for her ideal terms:
``You will not use the word `nag,' nor will you say, `You don't realize how much I do.' It's understood that I appreciate what you do. I also know what you don't do.
``Don't use a fight as an excuse to go out and see a movie or leave the house for some other reason. It's unfair to the person stuck at home with the kid. Don't do yard work in the middle of a fight.''
``What about the audience?'' I asked. ``Can they be openly partisan?''
She thought for a moment. ``On my side they can,'' she said. ``I'm allowed to have my mother, my sister and my best friend in the crowd, and he gets three people we pulled off the street.
``My people are allowed to interrupt the `debate' with applause or points I may have forgotten, but his'' - the strangers - ``must remain silent.''
It sounded about right to me. After all, fair's fair.
