Do you take this superstar? Say
`I do' to celebrity wedding pop quiz
By Beth Teitell
Thursday, September 11, 2003
How good would you
be at planning a celebrity wedding?
The question arose the other night as the members of my magazine club and I put aside our evening's agenda - the special fall fashion issue of InStyle magazine - to discuss the Lopez-Affleck nuptials, supposedly scheduled for this Sunday. The next morning, awaking with Jennifer and Ben on the brain, I came up with a quiz to see if I had what it takes to be a wedding planner to the stars. Do you? (Answers below.)
1). Invitations should be:
a) sent out two months before the event
b) leaked to US Weekly, then branded ``false'' by the groom's publicist
c) hand-delivered on the day of the event, with private jets waiting to whisk guests to a top-secret location (but not the same top-secret location where the bride's first or second weddings were held).
2).Which is not an acceptable wedding venue?
a) an organic winery perched atop a windswept hill, accessible only by helicopter
b) a tropical island owned by another A-list celebrity
c) a hotel ballroom
3) How many flowers should there be?
a) enough for bouquets and boutonnieres for the wedding party, plus table and church decorations
b) enough to cause a two-week flower outage on the West Coast and in Holland
c) None. No flowers should be harmed or killed during the production of the wedding.
4) When posing for wedding photos, the bride and groom should consider how the pictures will look:
a) in an album
b) to a jury
c) on the cover of Hello! magazine, and how much they'll fetch
5) The large white tarp above the altar and the reception area is there to protect the guests from:
a) rain
b) sun
c) ``Entertainment Tonight'' helicopters
6) When planning the menu, which is the most important consideration?
a) taste
b) PETA's stamp of approval
c) whether it can be easily replicated on the pages of InStyle magazine
7) What's an appropriate gift for guests?
a) Jordan almonds tied up in netting
b) yarmulkes or matchboxes printed with the name of the couple
c) any items manufactured or licensed by the bride, including, but not limited to: perfume, workout clothing and bedding
8) What should be released after the ceremony?
a) 100 white doves
b) 1,000 balloons
c) 1,000,000 feet of footage to ``Inside Edition''
9) The vows should be:
a) traditional
b) written by the bride and groom
c) ghost-written by Miramax or Fine Line publicists
10) The marriage should be expected to last:
a) till death do they part
b) until the adopted children are grown
c) until one member of the couple goes on location with Tom Cruise or Nicole Kidman
11)When should the wedding take place?
a)On the date you announced it would
b)The weekend before, to throw off the press
c)A few weeks after, to throw of the press
d)You've been married for months
ANSWERS:
1) b and c
2) c, unless InStyle lighting and sound specialists insist upon it, or the bride or the groom is featured in an ad campaign for the hotel
3) either b or c, but not both
4) b and c, unless the album also can be sold
5) a and b. Either could wreak havoc on the guests' hair or skin.
6) c (and b, but only if the guest list includes any PETA activists)
7) c
8) all of the above
9) c, unless the couple insists upon a or b, in which case, the altar mike should be muted
10) none of the above: The correct answer is d: until their next joint project flops
11) b or c (always keep 'em guessing)
SCORING:
0-3: You're not even ready to be a guest at a celebrity wedding.
4-8: You're no wedding planner, but you probably could get your foot in the door as the florist's hair person.
9-11: Admit it, you planned Bennifer's wedding...do you know when it's gonna be?
