Yo, J. Lo! Are you and Ben missing
me already?
By Beth Teitell
Tuesday, September 9, 2003
I don't know about
you, but I'm clearing my schedule for Sept. 14, or as I've come to think of
it since learning the happy news that J. Lo and Ben had set a date: Super Nuptial
Sunday.
At first - to be frank - I felt just the teensiest bit hurt that I wasn't invited. (Confession: I sat by my cellphone for days.)
But now, with the wisdom that comes from reading back issues of Us Weekly, People and the National Enquirer, I realize that between the couple's numerous friends and personal managers - not to mention all the Hollywood execs they had to cozy up to after the whole "Gigli" mess - the guest list probably filled up pretty quickly.
Yes, I could say, "When you're having 400, what's one more?' but, really, I'm wishing them well - and of course trying to figure out where they're registered (and where they live) so I can send a gift.
I typed Jennifer's name (both "Lopez, Jennifer" and "Lo, J.") into Crate & Barrel's online site, but all that came up was a Jose Lopez and Annette Jang (I wish them all the happiness in the world), so maybe I'll just send a waffle iron, or an All-Clad set on spec.
I know I have a year to send a gift, but since I can't be sure the marriage will last that long, I want to get it off quickly. Besides, I have many other things to do before Sunday dawns.
I need to e-mail cancellations to the 20-plus children invited to my older son's birthday party, which was planned waaaay before the couple's intimates whispered to the New York Post and Us Weekly that the wedding is to be this Sunday. I'm hoping that, with time, my 3-year-old will come to understand that Mommy had something very important to do that day.
Once that's taken care of, I'll have to figure out what I'm going to wear to watch TV that day, a job made harder by the fact that I don't know if it's going to be an afternoon or evening affair, or even in which time zone it will take place. Yes, I know, the wedding's not going to be broadcast, but I'm sure the CNN and MSNBC crawls will be giving regular updates as news breaks: "Sister Linda smoothes J. Lo train"; "Best man Casey Affleck toasts couple"; "Guests dine on fava-bean-and-pecorino salad."
You know, now that I think about it, attending the wedding this way is almost better than actually going: A. I won't have to pretend I've sprained my ankle as an excuse to avoid the dance floor. (I fear that my Boston Center for Adult Education ballroom dancing box step wouldn't quite cut it in that crowd.)B. I won't have to spend $50 on a professional blow-dry,and C. I won't have to keep my mouth shut about some top-secret location until Sunday.
Perhaps Jennifer and Ben, in their infinite wisdom, knew that not calling would be the nicest thing they could do, a way to show they truly care.
At least that's what I'm telling myself.
