Fussy feds miss the point: Everything can count as exercise

By Beth Teitell
Tuesday, August 19, 2003

Finally, a problem with an easy solution - although of course the federal agency in charge of the situation doesn't see it that way.

The Centers for Disease Control recently released the results of its latest fitness survey, and guess what? More than half of us aren't getting enough exercise, even though the CDC loosened the definition to include such everyday activities as housework. (Everyday for some of us, I guess, but that's a whole different column.)

The director of the CDC was ``surprised'' that even with a very generous governmental handout, 55 percent of all Americans still aren't meeting the 30-minute target. ``We've really got to move the needle substantially from where it is now,'' Howard Kohl told MSNBC.com.

Is this a no-brainer, or what?

Since the 2001 survey results were better than those in 2000, when the only exercise that counted was, well, exercise, and a mere 26 percent of adults made the grade, why not keep up the wordplay and improve the health of all Americans?

As former President Clinton might say, ``How much exercise we get depends on what the CDC's definition of exercise is.''

Instead of house work counting, how about house activities? Why shouldn't the energy it takes to hold your arm out and aim your universal remote at the TV or DVD player or VCR concealed tastefully inside a distressed armoir count toward your daily total? Isn't that precisely the kind of bicep and tricep work done by the muscle-men at Gold's Gym, albeit without a decorator's input?

I was about halfway through the MSNBC.com article, reading about how the Institute of Medicine says people should double the CDC's recommendations and get 60 minutes of exercise a day, when I became so outraged about how the government is trying to keep me from living in good health that I decided to file a class-action suit.

Until, that is, I read Director Kohl has already taken pre-emptive steps against just such a move. The agency has compiled a list of so-called ``light'' activities that do not count as actual exercise, and making photocopies is among them.

I don't know what the Xerox machines are like at the CDC offices, but at the Herald, making photocopies often falls into the Iron Man category:

Not only do you have to rise from your chair and walk all the way over to the machine, but because it's usually in use, you either have to return to your chair and repeat the grueling process in a few minutes, or pace athletically near the machine, all the while subtly menacing the co-worker currently at the copier.

And then, even when the machine finally becomes free, your workout is far from over. After one or two copies shoot out, you'll inevitably get a ``paper jam'' message, and be forced to flee, at top speed, so as to avoid association with the break-down.

Hey, if that doesn't get your heart beating at a healthy pace, I don't know what will.