Bush's brush with yardwork needs clearing up

By Beth Teitell
Thursday, August 7, 2003

To each his own, I guess.

But if I were president of the United States, and could summer as a guest at virtually any vacation home in the nation - without even having to bring a hostess gift, I'm guessing - I certainly wouldn't choose to spend August on a ranch in Crawford, Texas.

But then again, I don't consider brush clearing a leisure-time activity.

Bush is back at his beloved, steamy-hot, 1,600-acre Prairie Chapel ranch, and you know what that means:

``Bush Will Cut Brush All August Long,'' - New York Post, July 30, 2003.

``Bush Starts Monthlong Vacation in Texas Clearing Brush, Fishing'' - The Orlando Sentinel, Aug. 4, 2003.

``President George W. Bush got a chance to renew his favorite vacation pastimes on a hot, hazy Sunday at his ranch. He took a walk, cleared brush and went fishing.'' - The Associated Press, Aug. 3, 2003.

Here's what I want to know: What exactly is brush? Could I have some and not know it? Should I be clearing it? Does brush come from above or below? Where's the brush that's in Bush's way? Is it blocking the path from his driveway to the front door? Is it threatening to overtake the area where he greets foreign leaders? Has Condi complained that it's unsightly?

If none of the above, why does it need to be cleared?

And how much of this brush is there, anyway? Are we talking tons of detritus, or merely a stick or two (assuming brush consists of sticks)?

But even assuming Bush's ranch is blanketed in a brush so thick he and Laura can't see out of the windows and the twins can't make their way in after partying with Ashton, why does the president have to be the one to clear it? I always see him surrounded by able-bodied men. Couldn't one of them do it?

As eager as I am for our president to enjoy a well-earned brush-free vacation, I'd hate to think of him taking time away from looking for Osama or Saddam, or trying to fix the economy, to duke it out with some flora.

I recall that President Reagan also had a lot of brush that needed clearing. Is brush a Republican thing? Does a brush surplus correlate with an ability to raise funds? Does the candidate with the most brush always win the election, in the same way that the taller man always does?

Does brush clearing burn a lot of calories? Does it target that hard-to-eliminate back fat? And if so, can I look for a brush-clearing class at my gym soon, or a BrushMaster from Nautilus?

I know that some women like to clean their homes or knit to relax. Maybe brush clearing is the macho equivalent.

Whatever the case, the lowly chore of brush clearing now has executive status. It won't be long now till Starbucks introduces frozen Brushaccino. Hail to the chief.