French wine industry ferments dietary revolution
By Beth Teitell
Thursday, August 5, 2004
``The French are considering classifying wine as food''
- National Public Radio, Aug. 3
Hey, why didn't we think of that? Because we're not French, that's why. Imagine what they would say if we tried to pull such a stunt. ``Look at zose Americans, zey are not only fat, but zey are lushes, too.''
But the French play by their own rules. They've got the French Paradox, of course, which allows them to feast on fois gras and creme brulee and remain Audrey Hepburn slim. They've got the accents, so even the dimmest sound as if they're in a fascinating independent film. And the scarves? French women have access to draping and tying techniques not available on this continent.
(The American Paradox, by the way, allows our entire country to remain obese while going bankrupt on anticarb products. )
So why the French push to reclassify wine? Apparently slumping export sales and dropping domestic consumption have worried the winemakers, and now they're eager to advertise their alcohol - pardon, I mean fermented liquid fruit - on TV and radio. In other words, it's not chardonnay, it's a vin frappe.
Actually, maybe a similar idea could work here, if it were positioned properly. After all, the Department of Agriculture is revamping the Food Guide Pyramid. Let's forget about changing the shape or switching around the categories, let's really rock the thing!
From now on, White Russians count as ``dairy.'' Pina coladas and bloody Marys are fruits and vegetables. Beefeater gin is protein, and lean, at that, and sangria, with its floating fruit salad, is fiber.
And you know those premixed cocktails the liquor stores sell. The margaritas all ready to go? Or the rum punch? They're not booze - they're simply part of a meal replacement program. Think of it as an Atkins shake, or Ensure with a kick.
As for fast food? Add a juice box of tequila, and a McDonald's Happy Meal takes on a whole new meaning.
