T's terror threat: Angry bag ladies, peeved party girls
By Beth Teitell
Thursday, June 24, 2004
The terrorists may not have won, but they're gaining on us - particularly in the accessories department.
First, their hostile behavior forced stiletto-unfriendly changes in airplane-boarding procedures, and now they're making our leather goods vulnerable.
In case you haven't heard, MBTA officials are discouraging riders from carrying knapsacks or bags during the Democratic National Boy Did We Make a Big Mistake. Those who insist on doing so might have their Kate Spades inspected.
So the way I see it, these are our choices during the DNC-palooza:
A) Bring your bag and run the risk that some ``Customs'' worker will glimpse your private shame: ``Ma'am you're going to have to come with me - we have some questions regarding the 27 dusty Tic Tacs, crumpled 1998 tax documents and nine bottles of nail polish lining the bottom of your purse.''
Or:
B) Carry everything you need in your hands. ``Bye honey, I'll see you later,'' you'll call out, clutching: a fistful of change (for both the inbound and outbound commutes), a hairbrush, two lipsticks, a pair of presentable shoes, a paper you were working on last night, a Tupperware container with leftover lasagna and a slice of canteloupe, your gym clothes, a book to help pass the time (the random searches will slow things down), your work and gym IDs, and, on the way home, a package of grated parmesan cheese and bag of cherry tomatoes you picked up at the store for dinner that night.
When I first heard about the MBTA's new plan I was - I'll admit it - negative. But then I took a deep breath and thought, What Would Paula Do? (Paula being a major nightclub crawler).
I recalled how I'd watched her cram the neccessities for a whole night (and the following morning) into a wristlet no bigger than her gold, maxed-out credit card.
``Just take the essentials,'' she always said, squeezing in a half a comb, a mini moisturizer and a tiny gloss.
I called the MBTA and asked if there was a so-called ``Party Girl Exemption.''
Spokeswoman Lydia Rivera complimented my question, put me on hold, and then reported back that, no, a wristlet would not be searched.
(Note to readers: The MBTA does not think of this as the ``party girl exemption,'' so don't cite it if you're pulled over.)
Rivera couldn't specify how big a bag you could get away with, but did say that searches would be ``random and based on the size (of the parcel) and odd behavior.''
Odd behavior? Like the way someone would act who was trying to board the T without dropping the sandals she had squeezed between her elbow and her torso?
