Have you noticed that the word ``smart'' has developed a new meaning? Namely: ``rat.''

This week's news brought yet another report of a so-called smart technology whose alleged intelligence is actually a talent for snitching.

First refrigerators. Then scales. Now airplane seats.

The latest entry in the tattletale machine category will have embedded pressure sensors that will let the flight crew know if a passenger is moving around too little . . . or too much.

As if airplane seats weren't already punishing enough!

While the stated purpose of the new technology is to alert airline personnel to problem flyers - or someone at risk of deep vein thrombosis - the potential for abuse is ripe.

Where's the ACLU when you really need it?

Can't you see what's going to happen? Giddy with power, the chairs will start weighing in on other issues, relaying their snippy little messages to the flight crew every time some passenger doesn't meet the chair's exacting standards:

The passenger in seat 17e, who gained two pounds on vacation in Miami, is working her way slowly through the tasteless raspberry dessert square, after promising herself she was just going to ``taste it.'' And can you believe that shirt she's wearing? In South Beach maybe.

The passenger in seat 34a brought no reading material with him, and has just wasted the past 45 minutes staring at the flight routes pictured in the back of the in-flight magazine. And he wonders why he's not getting ahead at work.

As worried as I am about flying on one of these opinionated seats, I'm also concerned about the technology spreading. Like viruses that jump from humans to animals, it's easy to imagine the little goody two shoes sensors going from the 747 straight to your living room.

Next thing you know, Barry and Eliot will be selling smart couches, which will relay a message to your spouse if you remain motionless for too long on a Sunday afternoon. She said she couldn't go with you to visit your parents because she had housework to do, but she's been motionless for three hours. And by the way, the DVD player is on.

And then, once the technology's on the ground, none of us is safe. Next thing you know, your company will get new office chairs, and just when everyone is about to celebrate, someone will realize they're . . . smart.

What's this? Employee Teitell hasn't been at her desk in 45 minutes?

Look, I'm all for catching terrorists, or deep vein thrombosis, but there's got to be a way to do it without so much collateral damage.