Inquiring minds want more details on Oval Office kissing

by Beth Teitell
Thursday, May 22, 2003

 

I want more details, and I don't want to have to wait 40 odd years for some latter-day Barbara Gamarekian to come forward.

As you might know - and I say ``might'' because the story has received strangely little coverage - when White House spokesman Ari Fleischer told the president he would be leaving his job this summer, the two had a ``wonderful'' conversation, and then the president kissed his departing spokesman on the head.

A kiss in the Oval Office between the president and a staffer, and no one's curious? What's this world coming to?

After hearing the kiss reported on the news, I was so intrigued by the weirdness that I Googled ``ari head kiss bush'' and was taken to a White House transcript of the press briefing:

Fleischer: ``I informed the president (of my plan) in the Oval Office on Friday and I had a wonderful conversation with him and then made the announcement public today.''

Q: ``Did he kiss you on the head?''

(Laughter)

Q: ``Answer the question.''

Fleisher: ``You're asking me to disclose private Oval Office discussions. I'll just say he's a very caring person.''

(Laughter)

Q: ``That's a yes.''

The transcript actually raised more questions than it answered, at least as far as I'm concerned. Is Bush known for kissing heads? And if not, was it just a freaky lucky break that the reporter happened to ask the question and the answer happened to be yes?

But we'll never know, because of instead of digging deeper, the press corps turned its attention to other matters, such as Iran and the Philippines and the tax bill. And people wonder why newspaper circulation is dropping.

As an American, and more importantly, a former ``Melrose Place'' junkie, I was left to imagine the various scenarios:

  • Fleischer, well aware that the president likes to give a goodbye kiss, made extra sure to wash his head that day, and after the requisite chit chat, he bowed his head to receive the benediction. (Unlikely.)

  • Bush took Fleischer by surprise, grabbing him by the head and getting him in the so-called ``noogie'' hold. At this point, Bush was planning to give a goodbye noogie, but at the last minute, his famous PR team burst in the door with cameras running and, off-screen, in a whispered voice, informed the president that a kiss would play better than a noogie in upcoming re-election commercials.

  • Bush, grateful that Fleisher had been so protective of him for all this time in the face of a very aggressive press, really wanted to kiss Fleischer, but where?

    Strained relations with Europe would have made the air kiss an un-American choice. A kiss on the lips or the cheek obviously would be inappropriate, as would a kiss on the hand.

    Strategically and politically, the only place left was the top of the head.

    And that's all we'll know, unless of course, Fleischer writes a kissed-and-tell book.

    Beth Teitell's column will appear on Tuesdays and Thursdays while she writes her book, ``From Here to Maternity: The Education of a Rookie Mom,'' to be published by Broadway Books next year.