Wedding-day hell doesn't discriminate
By Beth Teitell
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Finally, gay men and women have achieved equality. To be pressured by friends and relatives, that is.
So, when are you getting married?
“Every time I see my parents, they offer to pay for a wedding reception,” Steve Trussell, 33, of Boston said as he hung out at Boston City Hall yesterday morning.
Sorry, Mom, he was there to show his support for the cause - not apply for a marriage license.
And you thought you had just the courts and the governor to worry about. Who knew Mom and Dad - and Aunt Helen, and your best friend from high school - would be on your case, too?
“It's a good problem to have,” said Jeff Offerman, 39, of Cambridge as he surveyed the scene outside City Hall.
And yet . . .
He and his partner are planning to marry soon, and though they'd been thinking of doing something small, friends have a different idea.
“They're all saying, ‘We're coming,' “ he said, a little nervously. “I don't want the list to be huge, but everyone's been calling.”
Welcome to the wedding vortex. Straight couples have navigated these choppy waters for years: You can't invite him and not her, and if they're coming, well, you have to invite . . .
“I understand why people elope,” Offerman said. “It's tempting.”
Good luck taking the easy way out.
As Beth Beighlie, 43, said as she waited in line with her partner: “(The reception) has taken on a life of its own.”
Straight friends have mentioned the “R” word. As in, “Where are you going to register?”
The Roslindale women want a two-person ceremony, but everyone's asking where the party's going to be. “Are we going to offend people if we don't invite them?” asked Dale Archer, 45.
Uh, yeah.
And here's another thing about making history: It ain't cheap.
“We're going to have to pay 10 grand twice,” said Lesa Lessard of Jamaica Plain, who was holding a photo album from the first time she and her partner tied the knot, in 1995.
Someone in line laughed. “It's not funny,” said Lessard, who described herself as “cresting 40.”
But laughter was in the air yesterday - and so was reflection.
“I realized halfway into this that I really needed to have a three-tiered wedding cake,” said Amy Lee, 35, of Jamaica Plain. “That surprised me.”
Speaking of surprises, wait til that way-bigger-than-you-wanted guest list starts yielding presents. Living together or having a small, intimate commitment ceremony spares couples from Aunt Gert's Franklin Mint music box (“Sunrise, Sunset”), or four second cousins pitching in on an oaken slab that serves as a picture frame for no fewer than 12 snaps, under the carved heading “Our Special Day.”
Meanwhile, signs all around City Hall Plaza proclaimed: “Marriage is a fundamental human right.”
And so, apparently, is wedding angst.
Welcome.
