You know what they say - when something sounds too good to be true, it usually is. So when I read that Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum in London has added an innovative new feature to the Brad Pitt dummy - a squeezable butt - I forced myself to be suspicious.

But ladies, book your flights and get ready to pinch. Not only is the sexiest tush alive yours for the squeezing, but it's a perfect replica, too. Pitt reportedly provided Tussaud's sculptors with a mold of his rear, which was then cast in a foam and silicone mixture to achieve a lifelike feel.

My first thought when I learned of the new exhibit was this: Who's the genius behind the butt?

Well, it turns out the idea for the first ever squeezable waxwork came from the people themselves - ourselves? - after museum inspectors frequently found Pitt's hard, wax derriere (which is clothed) covered in lipstick, and staff members often had to remove undergarments from Pitt's pockets, according to People.com.

When I mentioned the new tush to a woman who claims not to be a Brad Pitt fan, yet showed dangerous leanings in that direction, here's what she said: ``Ordinarily the whole idea of a squeezable tush in a wax museum would totally gross me out. I think it would almost be enough for me not to go, but when you say `Brad Pitt,' it's almost irresistible.''

She stopped for a moment to take in what she said, and then said: ``How sad is that?'' But, she added, ``It's the closest you're going to get to the real thing. Why not be Jennifer Aniston for two seconds?''

Actually, two seconds might be too much to endure. I don't know if you're aware of this, but Miss Aniston is currently suffering a private ``agony,'' at least according to the current issue of the Star newspaper, which carries the following cover story: ``Jennifer Aniston's Agony: Why do people HATE her? - Anti-Bush Outburst Backfires.''

One can only hope that unfettered access to Pitt's butt - the real one! - will ease her pain.

So anyway, after the initial shock and excitement about the tush wore off, and I came back to my senses (such as they are), my mind raced with questions, chief among them:

Will the New York City Madame Tussaud's install an interactive tush in its Pitt? ``Possibly,'' the PR guy told me. But first, he said, a few other interactive exhibits are coming, among them the Osbournes.

Don't worry! Ozzy's rear will not have a squeezable feature. Rather, the Osbournes will talk to visitors - with the swearing bleeped out.

As the Madame Tussaud's publicist went on to talk about other interactive exhibits - a Hulk Hogan and Shakira are coming - I started to wonder where it will all lead? A J. Lo with a gropable booty and chest? A Tobey Maguire that kisses back? A Julia Roberts who flashes a huge smile?

And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that what I want from a celebrity is not some fleeting physical relationship - I don't want to be used by a wax figure - or even a brief cocktail-party conversation.

What I long for are the perks: I want to go to the Oscars and the fabulous parties and the hairdressers who book months in advance. I want the VIP treatment at restaurants, and my name in the social columns. I want to be a guest at Ben and J. Lo's wedding.

I'm not sure, but I don't think that one of Madame Tussaud's wax figures, no matter how lifelike, could do all that for me.