Jazzing up the marathon helps us all in long run
By Beth Teitell
Thursday, April 15, 2004
As certain as tax day, they'll appear: the skinny people wearing sneakers bigger than their thighs and shamelessly wolfing carbs. As if Atkins didn't exist.
And that's not the worst of it. Come Monday, as the rest of us are trudging to desk jobs, the invaders will be lowering their risk of stroke and heart disease - while being served drinks and light fare.
And when they're done? They get to parade around in Superman capes. It's enough to make a person want to run, too.
Well, almost.
What I'm wondering is, why do we hold an event that every year makes us feel bad about ourselves? Why not go all the way and host the Yankees' next World Series victory parade?
When you think about it, the Boston Marathon is our Oscars: We don't look like that, we aren't going to throw the effort into doing that and we can't go near the Kodak Theatre - I mean Beacon and Boylston streets - but for some reason, we want to stand there and watch.
I say this with all due respect to the runners, but didn't the marathon start as a messenger thing from Marathon, Greece, to someplace else in Greece?
There was a purpose to it then. Now, of course, there's FedEx, so no one needs to schlep. But if people insist, let's at least make the race useful. Let's turn it into one big pizza delivery.
Instead of spectators calling out runners' names - ``Go, Joe,'' ``Lookin' good, Diane'' - the runner-deliverers would be holding up boxes and scanning the crowd for customers. ``I got a pepperoni for Pierce.'' ``Steve? Steve? I have a veggie with light cheese for Steve.''
And if the runners don't get the pizza to us in under two hours and 20 minutes, it's free.
A nonrunner I know wondered, now that the convention is coming, if the marathon is like the middle child.
``Everything is about the `new baby' - how much money we will make or lose, what roads will be closed, etc. Zippo about the marathon.''
But it's not just the DNC. The marathon is being overshadowed by, if not real life, reality life. In the age of ``Survivor'' and ``Fear Factor,'' jogging for a couple of hours - with good footwear - doesn't seem so extreme.
What the race needs - as the Fab Five would say - is a little tszujing.
How about we don't repave the stretch of Beacon Street outside Kenmore Square? The potholes and jutting pipes will add some spice. What about a ``Hose Corner'' or ``Banana Peel Curve,'' or unleashing pit bulls every couple of miles?
Let's replace the BAA with Mark Burnett, add a love interest, shorten the distance,toss in a few out-of-shape runners.
With those small tweaks, the event will be something we can all feel good about.
