A colleague was sitting at her desk, reading the paper, when she let out a little cheer.

I was shocked. Was there finally some good news? And if so, what could it be? A cure for e-mail spam? A miniskirt recall? A report that Brad and Jennifer were divorcing?

Incredibly, it was even better. ``Listen to this,'' my co-worker said, and read the headline out loud: ``Atkins diet can harm some folks' kidneys.''

I kept listening, waiting for something positive. That was it? What had made her so happy? Was an ex with renal problems on Atkins? No. Was she a secret member of the Wheat Foods Council? No. Or maybe she was on Atkins and, dying for a forbidden apple, planned to use this new study as an excuse to bust off the diet?

None of the above. Her problem, it emerged, is that like a dwindling number of Americans, she is not on Atkins but wishes she were - or sort of wishes she were. ``It looks so easy,'' she said, ``but I just couldn't stand to eat all that meat and cheese.''

So, day after day, as she virtually starves herself, she watches as friends, relatives and co-workers drop in size while stuffing their faces. She'll be in the caf, bingeing on a lettuce leaf and some air, and the guy next to her will be tucking into a bacon cheeseburger (hold the bun) with a side of scrambled eggs and a turkey.

And you know how those Atkins people are. It's not enough that every day is Thanksgiving for them, but they never shut up about it, either. ``I'm not even hungry,'' they'll say as they spoon butter into their mouths and tighten their belts. If there's any solace for the Non-Atkinsians (and I'm one, too), it's that we can't hear them boasting. Our stomachs are growling too loudly.

``I haven't been this happy since the NASDQ tanked,'' my co-worker said. Yeah, that's right. She didn't buy any tech or Internet stocks. ``But who had the last laugh there?'' she asked rhetorically as she enjoyed her midmorning snack, a single carrot. She seemed so happy I didn't want to kill her good mood, but the story beneath the upbeat headline reported that the kidney damage resulting from a high-protein diet did not strike everyone, just those who already had impaired function. Oh, well, it's something.

And she's not the only one looking for something to hold on to. The Wheat Foods Council, a consortium of companies such as ConAgra, General Mills and Kellogg, also could use a bit of good bad news about Atkins right now. It blames the good doctor for turning carbs into the SUVs of the food world, and hence cutting into its business. But it's not going down without a fight.

The Wheat Foods Council is planning an ``educational'' campaign aimed at nutritionists and the medical community that emphasizes that those who follow Atkins increase their risk of health problems, including cardiovascular disease, high cholesterol, kidney damage and some cancers.

Another part of the consortium's push will be in Washington, where federal health officials are starting talks on revisions to the nation's 11-year-old Food Guide Pyramid. The grain people want to make sure any new recommendations don't replace the currently suggested six to 11 servings of grains with guidelines encouraging Americans to have a side of beef and a tub of lard twice daily.

Meanwhile, as Atkins' 15 million-plus disciples continue to lose weight even in the face of known health threats, there is one more thing the rest of us can hope for: mad cow disease.