There are some things you don't want to know about yourself, such as: I am the kind of person who can talk for five minutes into my cell phone, yammering on about me and my little issues, without realizing the call has been lost and that there's no one listening on the other end.

And yet, reality has a way of intruding.

The other day a friend and I were talking cell-to-land line, and she was about seven minutes into a story about how she wasn't going to let her brother make her feel bad anymore when I heard a weird beeping, and then the line went dead.

When we finally reconnected she confessed she'd been talking for a while before she realized I was gone.

``At first I thought you were just being a good listener,'' she said, but when too long passed between the ``um-hmm''s and ``I know how you must feel''s, she became suspicious.

``OK,'' I said - happy that for once it wasn't me speaking into thin air - ``start again at the part about how you realized that you're just as valuable a person as he is.''

I was eager to listen, but she no longer needed to talk. ``It's OK,'' she said, ``I got the whole thing out of my system. Now I can talk about something else. How are you?''

I was great! Thanks to this little demonstration, that is. I'd just discovered a way to cut down on one of my major expenses: my cell phone bill.

Why spend pricey minutes talking to my wide circle of lay therapists when I could just pretend to hit ``send'' and then whine all I want, without fear of boring anyone or incurring roaming charges.

Hey, does Nokia make a placebo phone?

Actually, the importance of my research goes beyond cell phone savings. I read the other day that new research shows some traumatized people might be better off repressing the experience than illuminating it in therapy.

But some people like to talk. So how about a middle ground? Don't repress it, just tell it to yourself. Think of it as self therapy.

I, for one, am planning to record a tape of myself saying things I say to my upset friends - and indeed like to hear when I'm down - such as: ``You always worry too much about others' feelings'' or ``That sounds really difficult, I'm sorry'' or ``I know exactly how you feel.'' Next time I need to vent, I'll just play it for myself.

That way, not only won't I reveal too much of myself to others but I won't have to listen to them. As a friend noted: ``If you lean on people, there is the implied social obligation to serve as therapist when THEY feel like unloading.''

And here's the best part about self-therapy: self-medication.

In other words, it's time to go shopping.